30 Day Challenge - Follow My Journey

I'm finding myself in complete resistance to:  Social Media (even though I'm addicted), certain Foods, Certain Movies, and a host of other things. 

My spirit has been telling me to detox from it, take a break from it for at least a year, although I have been trying but was unsuccessful, now I can't even help it. Now I am surrendering to it. 

The universe will inevitably try to make us whole. I don't want to get shutdown to Shut down, meaning when God/Universe needs to heal you or elevate you (make you whole), if you keep pushing away from it and especially when your soul is crying for change for the better and/or something wonderfully new, You better believe it will orchestrate many aspects of your life to accomplish this. This can be done in an unforgiving and what feels like ruthless way aka Rock Bottom... Just for the record Rock Bottom SUCKS! 

Everybody's rock bottom is different and everyone's process may not be like mine. Listen to your body and your intuition it's always telling you which direction to go. 
  

I'm in-tuned and responsive enough with myself to know when to say when. My When is NOW. 


My Journey begin April 1 2017. (30 Days) Could be more.

I will be vlogging and posting the entire time. This feels right, this resonates with me.

My detox consist of the following:

• Shutting down all social media: Instagram, Facebook and Twitter

• Change Eating Habits and Exercise: Goal is to Lose 20lbs by months end
• Focus on my goals
• Turn off the Television... Ahem Netflix
• Finish 4 projects:
• Delve into my Extra curriculum activities. i.e. Painting
• Read more
• Write more: Journaling, drawing, doodling, venting, poetry, novels, biographies
• Spend more time in Meditation
• Spend time in Nature
• Being vulnerable & Transparent
• Minimize the stress more importantly
• If I could expunge myself from work, I totally would. Work alone has it's own stress.

* I will not quit all of this after 30 days. Many I already do but I have slacked off and fell off or half assed it. Now I get back on track. 

One of the few poems that hit me right in the heart. 
God totally led me to this. 

One Day my Soul just opened up

and things started happenin'

things I can't quite explain

I mean

I cried and cried like never before

I cried tears of a thousand mothers

I couldn't even feel anything because

I cried 'til I was numb.

One day my soul just opened up

I felt overwhelming pride

what I was proud of

only God knows!

Like pride of a hundred thousand fathers

basking in the glory of their newborn sons

I was grinnin' from ear to ear!

One day my soul just opened up

I started laughing

and I laughed for what seemed like forever

wasn't nothin' particularly funny goin' on

but I laughed anyhow

I laughed the joy of a million children playin'

in the mud

I laughed 'til my sides ached

Oh God! it felt so good!

One day, my soul just opened up

There were revelations, annihilation, and forgiveness

memories of things I'd seen and done before of places I'd been, although I didn't know when they were lives I'd lived

people I'd loved

battles I'd fought

victories I'd won

and wars I'd lost.

One day, my soul just opened up and out poured all the things

I'd been hiding

and denying

and living through

that had just happened moments before.

One day, my soul just opened up

and I decided

I was good and ready!

I was good and ready

to surrender

my life

to God.

So, with my soul wide open,

I sat down

wrote her a note

and told her so. 

This is an amazingly priceless concepts. Personally I grew up feeling inhibited and a little bit angry. Not sure why or what it was. I was perplexed for most of my life and the confusion as to why I felt social anxiety, wanting to always be perfect, pretty much wearing a mask and always second guessing my response to people, afraid of judgement and shame.

No one has ever perfected parenting and that includes my Loving and wonderful & supportive Mother & Father. I grew up in a strict religious environment from all areas except for school. This entails stripping a child of his/her abilities to emote because we were taught Anger is wrong, self expression of crying and whining is wrong. Certain interest and desires are wrong even tho your mind and heart is showing great interest, it's wrong and/or a sin, you will begin to think something is wrong with you.

To make a long story short, The Most FREEING and emotionally validating experience that catapulted me into healing and understanding is writing my Dad a letter expressing my feelings and him being RECEPTIVE to it, not DISMISSING me but validating my feelings. There was a weight lifted from my soul. I can't even explain the feeling.

Just when I thought that was it. My Mom actually came to me and apologized for making us live up to such high, sometimes unobtainable, standards that we both were taught in church. I'm all for structure and some levels of religion, however debilitating a person of their True Self is a recipe for Low self esteem/self worth, rebellion, feeling unloved, undeserving, etc. a host of traumatic emotions. You can't figure out,for the life of you, what's wrong with me.

Neither one of them justified their parenting with excuses. They understood that this was MY perspective and I was entitled to that. They supported my FEELINGS, took me by the hand showed me that they UNDERSTOOD. Emotions are how we survive. Emotions determine our happiness.

When we are emotionally invalidated, the hurt, the pain, the betrayal, the anger comes, all which is inevitable.